The Grieving Brain

I’ve been having one of those moments that my wise mother used to chuckle about. I’ve been learning something scientifically that she used to tell me she had learned through her years of life. Or maybe she actually learned it through her reading and passed in on. It’s not like I quizzed her, self-absorbed git that I was and am. 

Mom used to warn me about belly-button watching. (It’s funny that Will used the same term toward me when I was in my twenties.) The technical term for this is “rumination.”

As I fly across the Atlantic and the Northern Hemisphere, I’ve been listening to Mary Frances O’Conner’s brilliant book, The Grieving Brain. In her chapter on rumination, she uses science to show that rumination, or going over and over the same issues without doing any problem-solving or accepting, it actually has at least two negative effects. First, it can actually intensify or lengthen one’s unhappiness. Second, it’s actually a way of pushing away grief.

I won’t explain all the science that was used to determine the legitimacy of these two claims. It involves machinery with levers and brain and eye scanners. Not to mention intense interviews. I encourage anyone reading this who is interested in grief to read the book. Because of all the science I’ve actually been using it to help me sleep on the plane. Or I was, until the bell dinged and the flight attendant came by to ask if I wanted a snack. Nope.  

Let me ruminate for a moment about the awful vegan food on British Airways.

OK. I’m done now.  The plane is comfy, the entertainment is great, and the attendants are stellar. It’s just that the food options suck. You know the old saying about airline food being an oxymoron. Or as a comic might say, “Airline food. . . . Am I right?”

Another interesting thing I found out is that my panicking and fear is a normal part of grief. So the broad who used to love driving now gets sweaty palms going from Bend over the mountains. Normal for my situation. At least I climbed Dun I when I was on Iona and looked out at the view.  I have photographic proof!

I’m actually proud of myself for scheduling and taking this trip, in spite of all its challenges. People have been kind to me.