The Call is Coming from Inside the Building

I went to hear Annie Lamott tonight at the high school, an event for which I was excited. But after about 20 minutes there before she spoke (I arrived over a half hour early)  I was remembering Will more and more and found myself becoming more and more angry, and my heart rate going crazy. I just couldn't stay. I thought it was because of all the happy couples. But maybe it's something else.

The same thing happened when I went to the symphony in the fall ... I encouraged the person who had invited me to leave with me at the intermission.

I guess the high school auditorium is so imprinted with Will because the only reason I ever sat in those chairs was for the symphony, and that band wasn't in the high school till well after Will came to Bend. In Will's first years the orchestra was still an ill-rehearsed mess but then Michael came, turned it around and we became contributors and never missed a concert.  

But last fall I just couldn't be there anymore and thought it was the symphony itself.

 Turns out it's the fucking building.  

The Bend High Auditorium is like New York City -- I haven't been able to go there, either, because it's linked to Will.  But not completely. There was the New Yorker trip in 1975 and the American Studies Association in 1989 (I think) before Will and I started going every year, beginning with the post 9/11 pilgrimage in 2002. So maybe I'll be able to get back to the Big Apple.

And maybe the high school as well. I've got two more tickets to hear speakers at Bend High. I don't know if I'll try again or just give up for this year.

Stacey just texted that the Novel Idea speaker will be at Caldera High!  It's new! Maybe that will be a test case. Is it the building or the happy crowds? 

Enquiring minds ...

(Oh, and just for comparison, here's the front of MY high school: