Living Room

 I have a new living room!  

And on Monday night, I actually had a meeting in my house!  It was, sadly, the last EFM class of the year -- the little party class.  It was wonderful to see my fellow student, Ken, sitting in my butterfly wingback beneath the lamp I had Will buy for me as an anniversary present long ago.  I almost got rid of this lamp in the great furniture purge but I'm glad I didn't because it goes with the leafy vibe of my renewed space.

My fresh rug also arrived.  I'd actually purchased a rug locally but when I rolled it out it didn't go with my new furniture.  Fortunately, it did go with the "red room" so I unrolled it back there.

And downstairs, floor space is opening up as I slowly start going through my own stuff to see what I can toss out.

In the meantime, I'm trying to teach myself to be more Felix than Oscar.  I like a clean and tidy space but I don't like making spaces clean and tidy.  I'm sure I'll hire a cleaner again at some point, but this time one that can read notes written in English.

And ever since I gave in to the whole "ghostly visitor" experience (ie, hearing footsteps upstairs and feeling Will's presence as I approach sleep) my grief has felt different -- not quite as overwhelming when it hits.

Further adventures with College Hunks:  they picked up the old picnic table and benches and the adirondack chairs for the dump, yesterday, and brought my new World Market couch in from the garage and put the legs on.  They also hauled away the extra packing.  My garage is now almost empty of stored furniture.

In other news -- I shared a meal recently with someone I used to have a crush on.  But this person wasn't "there" for me during the dementia caring and my brain has decided I no longer have a crush on this person.  I could not speak as intimately with them as I used to do nor could I respond to their expressions of appreciation as my brain was thinking, "if you like me so much, why weren't you there when I needed people."

The meal reminded me a bit of my relationship with a man I thought was my friend before the pandemic.  He was  a man who I thought needed friends and I thought hen was MY friend.  Turned out not to be, in spite of how everytime he met with me before COVID he would say I was one of his favorite people.

On the positive side, I'm having breakfast this morning with a good and true friend, Diana, who is visiting from Colorado.  She and spouse Warren took such good care of me when I visited her in April -- it was the bright spot in that cruelest month.

"April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain."