Written at 12:50
Right as I was sobbing after writing the whine below, my graduate school friend Sue G. called me from Cody, Wyoming, to tell me I'm wonderful, that she deeply values how much love I had and have for Will, and to admire the journey I'm on because I've "decided" to feel it all.
I told her that wasn't really a decision.
She also said that in Wyoming, the custom is to sit with people who are going through a hard time. I wish that were the custom here.
Once again, my Holy playfellow interrupts my journey with It's message of love and survival.
I will make it through this liminal time. Eventually I'll figure out why I'm still alive even after my life partner is dead.
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Written at Noon.
I'm alone most of the time. People have stopped calling.
The pain in my chest is untouchable.
Everybody has their own issues.
I am doing things that are pointless because that's what I can do.
I am so lonely. The loneliness is like a weight on my chest.
The silence around me proves that Will was the only person who could love me as I am.
Why am I alive?
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