 |
| Photo by Spencer Sembrat on Unsplash |
A week ago I posted this to an FB widows group:
"So here's a core issue for me and I'm wondering if anyone else is feeling this: I am terribly lonely AND I don't like most people very much. So I'm kinda stuck between "I'm so sad and alone" and "gosh, these people are boring."
Some women wrote "ditto," "same," or "every day."
Others mentioned experiences they had in which they had been invited someplace and just wanted to leave once they got there. One lady says that after her daughter invited her to a gathering which proved unhappy, "I find most people annoying." Another notes that she thinks she "should socialize but I don't want to." And another, "I feel so alone but I don’t want people around I just want the one person that can’t be here." And another, "Thank you for this post! Thanks also for all of you who have agreed! I thought it was just me! Now I feel one less thing to wonder how odd I am about."
I got over 40 comments on this, all of them saying that they are in the same place, so I later added this
"EDIT: I've turned off commenting so this post doesn't get too long. Thanks to all of you who helped me feel not so alone in my stuckness."
And there ya go. I'm not special. My misery loves finding out others feel the same way I do so I can stop adding, "I'm worse than everybody else" to my sad thoughtstack.
Jesus tells me to love everyone. To me, love means treating people with respect and caring when one is confronted with them. Of course, Jesus also wants me to go out and find people to love and I don't have the energy to do that at this point in time and if my current introversion adds to my time in purgatory, so be it.
I had a dream when I was in fifth or sixth grade that god talked to me and told me that after I died I would spend time in purgatory. It felt like a relief to learn that.
