Dear Will:
I decided to reconnect with VST but I'm still waiting to hear from them about whether or not I'll be allowed to re-enter this spring or will have to re-apply. At least Mari, the VPI, is on my side and remembers me.
I think that I'm ready to go back to school. I don't really know what else to do with my life and time. It will give some structure to my days.
As you know I've been thinking a lot about you the past couple of weeks. Over the end of October I watched some reels with clips from Young Frankenstein which provoked happy memories. We were in San Francisco at the Sutter Hotel in 1974. We'd been to see the picture and then returned to the hotel to make love. Then right after we finished I started laughing, remembering Peter Boyle singing "Puttin' on the Ritz". We laughed together. In spite of all our struggles we could always have fun watching movies.
I think about the wonderful times we had together and then I ache with longing for those times. I know I need to learn to live my life without being hobbled by memory but it's so hard when my continuing feelings for you are so strong. I am so lonely but I'm not capable of safe intimacy with other humans. That's why I think the controlled environment of school with a focus on sacred literature may offer a way to feel strongly without getting too involved with another person.
Love
me
