In the Midst of Life

 we are in death.  "A truer word was never said," continues Sabina, who I'll always see as Adrianne Davidson, who performed the role of the Eternal Other Woman in our high school production of The Skin of Our Teeth, a much shortened version of the too-long original play by Thornton Wilder. Although Wikipedia has forced me to pause for a moment as I fantasize about the 1942 Broadway version with Miss Tallulah Bankhead as Sabina, Frederick March as George Antrobus, and Montgomery Clift as Henry.

I quoted this line from the Book of Common Prayer (service for the dead) during our 8am zoomy sermon discussion group.  These folks are such a saving grace for me. Anyway, we're all old.  I'm second youngest. We had a great discussion circling around Gaye Lawson's sermon on fear and hope (bouncing off the Gospel reading, John 19-31). Part of the discussion was around death as we talked about a group member's learning that his senior living facility refuses to put information about clients' deaths in their in-house bulletin. 

Mainstream American culture deals so poorly with death. 

Anyway, this thoughts rose up again yesterday when I got this email notification:

 

Last year around May 4th was the last time I saw Kathy.  She was very calm about her approaching demise, one that she herself controlled. As my friend Lorna is.

I will take hope and inspiration from them.

Thank you

 Dear Will. --

Thank you for showing up again to turn off the lights without the help of Alexa.

Love you,

Kake 

PS: My friend David thinks I'm a bit delulu because he's such a strict materialist -- but his beloved wife is LDS so he's comfortable with loving someone who just believes.

Another Friend Transitioning

 Dear Will -- 

Another of our friends, more my friend, is transitioning soon - in a month or so.  Maybe your souls will run into each other.

Another couple of friends have experienced a less permanent but more wrenching transition as the husband has had to enter memory care.

 I didn't know when I worked on The Skin of Our Teeth in high school that Sabina was quoting a medieval chant, Media vita in morte sumus , when she says, "In the midst of life we are in death.  A truer word was never said." I have quoted Sabina since then, combining this statement with her famous, "Eat your ice cream while it's on your plate, that's my philosophy."

I cried in church on Sunday during the beautiful sermon. I contributed money to the flowers this year and dedicated some to you.  

Sometimes I want to stop missing you.  But then I worry that I will lose our relationship.  Three years ago Sarah told me that grief is now our relationship.  If this pain is what it takes to keep our relationship, I'm still willing to feel it.

As if I had a choice.

love always

kake

Interesting Times

 While I feel very blessed to have investments that should cover my commitment to memory care some years from now, I am kinda pissed off to have lost forty grand over the past couple of weeks. 

It cost me $1900 to have my taxes done, another mark that I'm well-to-do, as was the $295 charge to change a single name in my last will.

Note to MAGA: I just wish George Soros had paid me to be in the protest on Saturday.

My friend Carol had an idea of how to deal with all my friendship losses, including those from a quarter century ago that my grief therapist says I carry around like a big rock in my backpack.   Carol suggested a ritual and I think that's a terrific idea -- a ritual to release myself from caring about the people who don't care about me anymore. A ritual to remind myself that if people don't want to spend time with me, that's about them, not about me. I get to stop thinking about what a terrible, horrible, very bad person I am. And just laugh when someone who has told me they don't have time for me expresses concerns for my health to another person.  So I've been working out what would be a good series of actions and words to tell myself that if people don't want to hang with me it's okay and their loss, not mine.  Illegitimi non carborundum.

On the home front, I finally received the Vietnamese crocheted Will doll.  Sadly, it has black hair which I didn't notice when I reviewed the doll so I've had to paint the hair threads silver. Now this doll will help me watch new movies and old film noir without feeling so alone.